Lesson Learned
by burning amber
Summary: 'Was this the universe's way of punishing him for spending most of his teenage years as an angst-ridden bully? If so, then the universe could go fuck itself. This was cruel and unusual even for him.' – Zuko faces an extremely uncomfortable situation.


**Lesson Learned**

**Pairings: **Katara/Aang, slight Mai/Zuko  
**Words: **2,097  
**Warning: **Reference of lemon, some swear words

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything except for the little bouncing plot bunny.

**Summary:** _'Was this the universe's way of punishing him for spending most of his teenage years as an angst-ridden bully? If so, then the universe could go fuck itself. This was cruel and unusual even for him.'_ – Zuko faces an extremely uncomfortable situation.

**xxxxxx-xxxxxx-xxxxxx**

"So you see, it's a uh… sensitive issue and I'd really appreciate some advice."

When he signed up to be the avatar's fire bending sifu, he knew that it came with extra baggage. He was liable to helping Aang bring down his tyrannical father, dispose of his batshit crazy sister, and restore peace to the world. In retrospect, all that seemed like child's play compared to the task that was unceremoniously dumped on him.

He probably should have seen this coming. No one ever sat the avatar down for the birds and the bees talk.

It made sense, he supposed. With all of Air Nomads cleansed, there was no one to represent a father figure in Aang's life. It had not mattered much during the war because they were all busy surviving and plotting the demise of a certain dictator to care much about romance. He wanted to sympathize with Aang, but damn it at least the kid was not stuck with a father that challenged him to an Agni Kai!

"Couldn't you ask someone else about this?" He tried to keep his voice level, but he was rapidly going into hysterics. There was no way he could talk to, and much less advice Aang about such a private matter.

Aang shot him an exasperated look. "Who else can I ask? Sokka is out of the question. Suki might tattle and it's weird to discuss this with a girl. Maybe Toph, but I would never hear the end of it. Everybody else is either related to her or had a crush on her at some point!"

"Then what about Bumi?" Zuko knew that he was basically spitting out names, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "I thought you two go way back."

The look etched on Aang's face could only be described as pure disgust. "Bumi is like a hundred years old! And neurotic. He's a great friend, but I really doubt he could give me any good advice. I also don't want to imagine Bumi and… you know…"

O.K, so Aang had a point. He was the best candidate by elimination. Not that it would change his mind. Even if he was the last choice – the only choice – he was too busy for this. Being the Fire Lord was no sunshine and rainbows, especially not when the wishes of all non Fire Nation citizens ranged from spitting on his face to gruesomely murdering him.

That was his trump card, he decided. If everything else failed, he could escape by feigning extreme diligence. Or death.

"Come on, Zuko. I really, really need some help."

Zuko could tell that Aang was also on the verge of panic. For all he knew, this matter could have been plaguing his mind for a while. In fact, he must have been quite desperate to come to Zuko for a solution. If only Katara could keep it in her God-damned pants.

That was it! Katara was the main issue at hand, not Aang's mortifying naïveté concerning physical relationships. The best solution would be to bribe his fiancée to murder Katara in her sleep. Problem solved.

"Zuko, you've been awfully quiet. Are you planning something?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, willing himself to calm down for the time being. If he could just get out of the room, he could find Mai, inform her of his plan and end this nightmare.

"You're planning on killing Katara!" Aang's voice was filled with accusation.

"Of course not!" How the hell did he find out? Was there a mind-reading bending voodoo exclusive to the avatars?

"You just pinched the bridge of your nose. That's what you do whenever you have murderous thoughts."

"Who told you that?" This was not public information. Can a Fire Lord not plan his subject's execution in peace? At times like this he could see why all his predecessors ended up crazy.

"It doesn't matter. It's true, isn't it? You were thinking about murdering Katara."

"Like I said, no." He said sternly, wordlessly demanding Aang to drop the subject. "I was planning on letting Mai have the honor."

Aang seemed shocked for a second, but that did not deter him from his mission. "You're terrible. But I have no one else. Can you please, please just help me with this? All I need is a way to convince her that practicing abstinence before marriage is the key to a successful relationship."

Zuko could not stop his mouth from dropping to the floor. Aang wanted to wait until marriage? He knew that the kid was born and bred a monk, but his infatuation with Katara had always led him to believe that Aang wasn't all too pure hearted. This might have just proven him wrong.

So, he voiced all of that to Aang.

And received a shocked, indignant response.

"No! What? How did you get that from my request?" Aang was stuttering and making a complete fool of himself. If the situation were not incredibly awkward for him, he would have laughed at the air bender's expense.

"You said and I repeat: Katara is trying to sleep with me and I don't know what to do. In the normal world that means you don't know how to use your friend down there and are afraid of disappointing your lady."

Zuko had never seen anyone's cheeks turn as red as Aang's. Not even Mai's when he suggested they try out that new position he overheard from one of his soldiers. That was a memorable night, indeed.

Not that it was appropriate to bring that up because his former student was asking him for advice on abstinence. Was this the universe's way of punishing him for spending most of his teenage years as an angst-ridden bully? If so, then the universe could go fuck itself. This was cruel and unusual, even for him. Maybe he should instead have Mai drug Aang, so Katara can have her wicked way with him.

The resulting images made him shudder in disgust.

"I am definitely not the person to ask about this. Abstinence was not my or Mai's strong suit." He desperately hoped that Aang would finally take the hint and leave him be.

"But I'm desperate here!"

"Why won't you just sleep with her?" He vaguely registered that someone had slammed their hands on the table. And that his hands slightly hurt. But most of all, that Aang could not be more shocked by his outburst.

"It's… it's not right. We shouldn't. Monk Gyatso told me… and what would everyone say? I can't, no I won't let people talk about her like that."

More than ever Zuko could see how much gap lied between the avatar and the rest of the world. He was by all account a child forced to grow up too quickly without proper parental figures. It also did not help that he lived by an entirely different moral code. Maybe he should feel bad for his friend. He turned around, refusing to look at Aang's pathetic face while he made up his mind. Not that it helped much to stare at the painting of his grandfather's severe face.

"Alright, I'll help out." When he heard the shuffling noise of the guest chair, Zuko muttered a menacing 'no'. Aang was not allowed to sit. It would give him the wrong idea. He had no desire to extend this conversation.

After a few moments of staring at Azulon's painting and the umbrella perched at the corner that probably belonged to Mai, he finally faced Aang, convinced to end this conversation once and for all.

"You're 18 and urges are natural. Even for girls. Actually, sometimes girls can be really freaky. Maybe Katara is? Ignore that. Oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this." He paused and took a deep breath. "Abstinence is not a must. Do you love Katara?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in Aang's voice, as if it was the single most indisputable fact in his universe. It made him smile a bit inside, but he would die before showing it.

"Then it doesn't matter what other people say. Or what the rules say. All that matters is you and her. You both get to set the pace. Not anybody else. If you honestly don't want to sleep with her, then tell her. She'll understand." He had to take a break to rethink what he just said. "I take it back. She'll think you have performance issues. Do you? Actually, don't answer that. I already know too much. Anyways, sleeping with your girlfriend is not a sin. I highly doubt that you would be the first avatar to slap a pre-marital one in. Or that you would be the last. Just, just remember that it's between you and Katara. No one else matters."

That was quite possibly the biggest non-answer Zuko had ever given. He just hoped to the heavens that it sufficed. It had to. He refused to stay in this messy situation for another minute.

For a while they stood in uncomfortable silence. Then all of a sudden Aang turned swiftly on his heel, a movement so innate to an air nomad, and left the room without a word.

Not even a thank you.

Maybe this was just a nightmare. Maybe Aang never barged into his office like mad man. Maybe he just made up that entire awkward conversation. But what would that make him? A creep that subconsciously thought about Aang's sex life? No, this happened. It had to have. For the sake of sanity, he decided to take the rest of the day off and asked his assistant to find his fiancée. He needed a hug.

**xxxxxx-xxxxxx-xxxxxx**

"So, let me get this straight. The almighty avatar came to you for sex advice?"

He did not like the mockery dancing behind Mai's eyes. Now that the ordeal was over, he could see how Aang came to choose him. He was after all, devilishly handsome, engaged to a gorgeous vixen and more knowledgeable than any of Aang's heroic friends. It did nothing to his ego to see his fiancée doubt the validity of his story.

"Yes. Why is this so hard for you to believe?"

She walked ahead of him and whistled carelessly, avoiding his question. Yesterday had been unnerving. So much so that he was still not sure if it really happened. He would like for nothing more than to forget those awkward 30 minutes of his life, but if it was a figment of his imagination, he might be headed towards the same direction as Azula. That was a line of thought he refused to follow.

"I want to take a private walk with you, Zuko. Will you be a dear and fetch us the umbrella?"

He did as she bade, mainly because his head was too muddled with confusion to do much else. The umbrella was somewhere in his office. He recalled seeing it in perched against a corner of the walls behind his desk yesterday. This was potentially a good sign. If the umbrella was there, then yesterday was not an illusion.

He did not realize he had arrived at his destination until one of his hands was already gripping the handle, and the other ready to fish his keys from the side pocket of his pants.

The noises inside his office brought him out of the short reverie. The noises. Inside his office.

Was he imagining things again? No, there were definitely noises coming from inside his office. It sounded like papers rustling. And some thumping. Thumping?

Why would an intruder thump around in there?

"Mmmhh, Aang I need… I need…"

That comment and stifled scream that followed undoubtedly belonged to Katara. Which meant…

"I didn't think you could pull it off."

"Hmm. It was easy once I started talking about your virtues. His spare keys were not even cleverly hidden."

"You mean _this_ kind of virtue?"

"Urgh, Katara, you are insatiable."

"Well, we need to keep going. I suggest we try doing it against the painting of Azulon next. Maybe then the palace will actually crumble."

The last thing he heard was laughter before everything went black.

**xxxxxx-xxxxxx-xxxxxx**

**Here you go! My first published attempt at a story. Let me know what you guys think about it.**


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